M(OTHER)

Generations of women 

that I never met, 

nest inside my blood 

-the history of my family

closed hearts and open palms 

slapping the love out of me

a circle of distress 

from one mother

to the daughter

I was only 6 when I learned

that love means pain

and I carried it with me 

ever since

Three generations of my women

that made me suck all the sadness 

till it scratched my bones

I was only 10 when I found out that

love comes with punishment

and I carried it with me 

ever since

I want to break the chain

of trauma from my women

I will grow for that women,

I will grow for that grandmother

that never learned how to hug.

I will grow, for the mother, 

that never learned to stop

a slapping hand.

I will grow for me

and the mother that 

I will become.